“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”. -Nelson Mandela
I try to live by this mantra each day. It is not entirely easy or natural for me to instinctively gravitate towards choices that reflect the woman that I want to be. I’ve been the woman I’m evolving from for many many years and the process of change is still underway. Now that I’ve begun to confront my fears one by one, I have finally started getting closer to fully seeing myself as a woman worthy to be accepted just as I am… as a parent, as a partner, as a friend, as a writer, as a professional, as a coach, as a speaker and as a leader.
It has not be easy… its been a struggle and it hasn’t been pretty. I now understand why most people opt not to change at all. It’s a true internal battle. The only reason I signed up for it was because Life presented me with scenario after scenario that made it clear that staying the same would not lead to the life that I desired. I wanted my vision and my dream that bad that it’s worth the painful journey.
Part of my vision and dream for my life is to be pursued in all of my aspirations. That I not be in a position that I have to convince, pester, plead or scheme in order to attain the things that I want. I feel very strongly that none of us have to do any of that. The ones that resort to it are the ones who simply are not willing to do the work to become worthy of being pursued by those they hope to attract. It may seem like I am talking about romantic courtship. This can certainly be applied here but it’s not a primary focus in this season of life for me (for a change).
I am now focusing on opening up and preparing myself to be pursued by people who want to befriend me, other helping professionals who want to partner with me, organizations who want to be represented by me, audiences who want to hear from me, leadership within my company who want to work with me, clients who want to be coached by me and most importantly a teenage daughter who wants to be guided by me.
I want things in my life, but it won’t be very special to me unless I’ve achieve them because I was sought after. It’s been my experience that you don’t get sought after unless you are on top of your game. I’ve learned this through my successes but mainly from my failures and rejections (which have been numerous). I want to actually be the person who is boldly bringing her best to every area of her life, not weighed down by fear or eclipsed by insecurities. This will take time and I’m granting myself that. Not comparing myself to other folks that seem to have it all together. Slow and steady wins the race… this is a solo race, the goal being to get to the finish line as quickly as possible staying true to my values and expectations of myself.
On my way to being on top of my game… I have to stretch my vulnerability muscles and start to put myself out there. Introduce myself to the world and in this be open to even more rejection and nonacceptance. This is required but not for the faint of heart. It took years… YEARS for me to even get to this point and it still stings and affects me when I experience it. But now, instead of full blown meltdowns where I’m withdrawn from the situation for months… I now have more manageable mini breakdowns that I’m able to pull myself out of after a few days. Hey, it’s progress so I’ll take it!
This approach has been the bedrock of my new found confidence in certain areas of my life. I have had some successes, although very few in comparison to the failures, those successes largely overshadow any disappointments….
…. fueling my hope that it all will serve me well in the future when I’m actively pursued by those whom I am preparing for now. Is it you???